The word according to Easty:

Well, we were back again at what has to be said our second home. Our local. Who knows, why but we were at Greenbank again for yet another grand old fixture. It was make or break for the Dingoes and everyone knew what was at stake – the opportunity to right a horrible wrong that was last Friday.

Thankfully this week we had three referees that didn’t require the players making the calls for them. We got off to a great start with Beenleigh coming out in their home jersey, which is a rip of the Uni maroon kit. A serious problem, but the General foresee Beenleigh being wankers and had it covered with our back up away/retro/same f’n numbers (poor old Abesh was 41!) kit so we knew who was who out there.

Uni undoubtedly played their strongest side with Josh (Krusty the Clown, Wolftmother and Fluffy) and the Maltese Magic up front, Alex and MP in the middle with Hadley and Bogard up the wings and the reliable Jack and Nut in the centre of the D with Tristan and Witwicky on the flanks. As always, the cool calm and collected TC was in between the sticks.

We all had a nervous energy before kick off but with a starting team like that you have to wonder why? To make the game go even more into our favour one of the Beenleigh blokes had what has to be said one of the best brain explosions of all time. After winning a throw in following a 50/50 with the determined Nut, which he got the better of via a fair shoulder charge, he decided to knee him in the head while he was down (?). To make it better it was right in front of the linesman and the ref. So within 2 minutes Beenleigh had a bloke up early at the bar buying the drinks but he’ll have to wait another 88 minutes before he could buy anyone of his mates some loser’s piss. “He must be devo after that” as Chris would say.

However, back on the bench, we knew of a similar story that happened the week prior and we all know what happened then…(Springfield have a name made for you clowns – ‘lucky’). This week however, we seemed much cooler on the ball, with better play through the middle and no nonsense at the back, plus Josh and Chris playing fantastic up front. They must have filled in some of the cavernous pot holes out there or something…

Chris started the trend hitting the post with a beautiful left foot strike “Messing by an ina” as ol Abesh would say. Then as is the norm, Chris had a wee bit of a temper tantrum; probably stemming from driving past all the KFC’s on the hour long drive to the Farawaybank (NSW?) and only allowed to have Bogard’s oranges (good work there Bogard). This must have fired up the young Maltese Magician.

Good football led up to our first goal and with Beenleigh unable to control Josh, decided that if you cant beat him, just push him over and hack the bone. Naturally, a dot shot ensued. To rub salt in the Beenleigh wounds, Josh took the kick and as he does, coolly slotted it home for a Gordon-like finish.

For the rest of the half we got too complacent and just couldn’t put away any of the half chances that came our way. Thankfully half time came, and it couldn’t come fast enough.

After a good chow down on Bogard’s fabulous oranges we got back to business. Not long after the break Josh smashed in a second using his previously non-existent left foot. Now Joshy is not someone you would call loquacious, but he was punching air and jeering the keeper like an afro headed Bal Kalley. An awesome sight and it must have had an impression on the squad because from that moment on, the Dingoes went for the throat.

The large gaps appearing in their defence was likened to the distance between Brisbane and wherever it is that Greenbank is – a big f’n gap basically. As always, Easty couldn’t buy a goal and that would explain the third goal where Alex took it upon himself and put away our third single handed. We still had enough time for one more Messina dummy spit as well, after which he was promptly hooked off the field.

We could have had several more goals in that second period except Easty had the touch of a rapist and zero confidence in front of goal. Abesh was just getting smashed in back play and they had a keeper that was just having the game of his life. You could also forgive our keeper TC for being a little too cool in goal, receiving a simple header and pushing it into the bar. The poor bastard was probably just bored – I think he touched the ball three times all game.

Honestly though, you couldn’t fault anyone – the backs were great and Mr Anderson and Bal came on from the bench and played excellent in defence with Tristo and Witwicky resting. Yet the ‘men’ of the match had to be Alex and MP, both cleaning up the middle of the park and picking it like a dirty nose with anything Beenleigh had, which was fuck all. Joshy too, was like a force of nature out there and deserving of an especially honourable mention.

A superb result from the Dingoes – grand final here we come! Greenbank – can you give us a ‘Green and Yellooooooow? No, because you will be ‘Sucking yourselves off slowly’ next Friday.

PS Notice how Jon was not mentioned at all? That’s because he was about as useful as a doodle flavoured lolly pop.

The word according to Easty:

After what can be described as the most controversal game since Sunderland’s goal against Liverpool on the weekend, the Dingoes had to regroup after the result of Friday and step up.

Welcome changes were made in the pacy and determined Alex and Abesh with Easty off with a case of softitis and Barney sitting out. Once we got over the fact that the opponents were “actually going to wear that” we got on with our game plan, which was to play our normal game then change to a more confusing style that pretty much no one had a clue. Especially Easty the magic stand in subber.

With our lads not switched on early we had to thank Witwicky twice for sweeping up the danger and TC for pulling off some nice saves. Then before you could say “oh to be sure” Tristan was pushed over and fell like a sack of potatos and we had a penalty.

Anyway, Josh cooly slotted home and then the unthinkable happened – everyone totally lost their football brain on the field and just ran around like headless chooks. So at half time everyone was in agreement that plan b was a shit idea for the Dingoes. Gordo still thinks 4-3-3 if we have to.

The second half we on the bench were grateful enough to see the most worst dressed man on the planet but then we realised he was Irish. This half we started the stronger and it stayed that way. Chris and Josh were causing massive headaches up front and Alex, who was best on ground, dominated with MP helping out in the middle of the park.

With the pressure building, it finally led to more goals with Josh hitting one just inside the 18 to make it two. Then Bogard put one in from a goal mouth scramble. With the game becoming more and more in the Dingoes control, Siggy was given his chance to put one away so we don’t have to see little sig next Saturday. He had a few chances with one long shot that tested the keeper.

We ended up comfortable winners 3 nil.

The word according to Easty:

Well the word luck gets thrown around a fair bit and some people would call our win on Friday lucky. Well I’d like to call it……….. well lucky I guess.

The night started poorly with our referee showing up 86 hours too early (unlucky for him I guess). but lucky for us Dingoes we got a replacement. Luckily for Renard as we called him so he had a reason for not studying and $80 more to hit the piss with the next night.

The first half was a dour affair with some pretty poor football being played on both sides. However, the sideline was full of amazing insight on how did Gordo really get gastro, shitting beds and porno (motor cross anyone?). Jon Boy started up front with Abesh, with Witwicky and Hadley on the wings (they had kissed and made up – oh yeah I heard about that) plus Mic (I mean Josh) and MP in the middle showing a dominant display yet not getting the final result.

Our defence was showing its class again, with Siggy and Bal on the flanks plus Peanut and Jack looking fantastic as ever in the middle. It was great to see Davo back in goal after a knee injury sustained earlier in the season. However, he was able to jump on a blow up castle not long after his so called injury…

We were in for a strange night of football with the a full moon out and Paolo turning into a real boy! But if you thought that was weird and with absolutely F all happening out on the park it something interesting occurred. Jon finally got some karma with someone smashing him in the face with a football. Just like Jon Boy to save face then chase an 11 year old child with a shoe screaming “damn kid”. It was a strategic move – he needed to come off the field to fire up.

Abesh however did do something entertaining on the pitch by getting himself off the nudie run. He did make it hard for himself though by shooting straight at he keeper then getting the rebound to almost smash that wide too, but thankfully for all us Dingoes we don’t have to see his naked arse running at the end of season trip.

All I can say is “TC who?” after a string of close range saves by Davo, one of which was a sensational falcon for Peanut to hand ball in the box for a penalty, for which Davo pulled out yet another brilliant save to keep that clean sheet intact. Excellent form.

Peanut needed to make changes for the second half and decided to put on our Best Wet Fish award winner’s Jon Boy and Easty to do some damage. Luckily for Peanut that tactical change paid off with some amazing build up play from Chris who put in an excellent through ball, which received possibly the greatest back heel from Easty to arrive at Jon Boy’s feet, who after finally learning what a striker should do from Abesh in the first half, smashed it home on his left foot! Unbelievable – 2 nil.

Siggy was then thrown up front with Jon Boy to get himself off a nudie run. Unfortunately, he couldn’t get on the end of the Maltese Magic’s amazing run beating 6 players then stopping to beat the 6 blokes again. Chris then put in a low cross from the 6 yard line and what followed you wouldn’t read about … Jon had scored his second of the night and possibly the softest arse goal of the season in one lucky swipe. I know, WTF? 3-0.

Not long after we made it a lucky 4-0 with Easty taking the corner and Mic (Josh) knocking a Marco Van Baasten-like bouncer shot, which luckily went over the defence and keeper. Too fucking easy.

Barney then when up front with Siggy and Barney came very close twice with a cross coming in from the left and hitting a low shot for the keeper save. Then in the dying minutes he was put through with a lob ball over their back line and went one-on-one with the keeper yet after chipping him, he just couldn’t get to the ball in time for it to go out for a goal kick. Unlucky B-Dog – so close.

Clearly, a lucky 4-0 result in the end for the Dingoes. Abesh got lucky and Jon Boy certainly got very, very, very, very, very. very f’n lucky (twice!) and furthermore, we are lucky to have a player like Mic and Easty on our team!

Excellent season result, now let’s do it all again in the finals!

Well, there is not too much to say about this game. The Force had no chance of making the top 5 (if that actually matters to our finals…) and the Dingoes are assured of their Minor Premiership. The game started much the same as the previous two match ups – with one major exception. For Round 21, we decided to actually put some goal scoring strikers on the park for a change. One of these, Ol’ Bulleye’s Bal, opened his account for the season, with a cracker shot played to him from Bogard along the top of the 18 yard box. Following a sneakly dummy play Bal struck the ball sweetly from just right of the 18 yard circle, crossing the goal face and putting the ball neatly into the top left hand corner.

Not only a contender for goal of the year, but surely the lead contender for post goal celebration of the year – shirt over face, running to the corner post then past the opposition bench giving them heaps. A true Dingo performance. The rest of us were just glad we didn’t have to see him do a similar run sans clothing in a few weeks time…no one wanted to see what Bal was packing.

Not to be outdone, TC traded his keeper gloves (cheers to MPack) for a pie eating striker position and also smacked one home, making sure there were no doubts about his status on the nudie run list. It’s amazing really – TC with 1 goal over 40 minutes total on strike and Jon and Easty with a combined total of 2610 minutes (1.81 Days) and only 6 goals. That’s why we are number one I guess.

Focusing again on the nudity issue – it is all upon Siggy, Abesh and Barney to get a goal before the season’s end. Please, please, get a goal….

Jack, Reeves and Chris all had a great game as well, with Jack scoring a gimme arse goal that either of Easty’s left feet could have knocked over (may be) and Chris, as usual, skinning 10 players (Blue Boots from Force is in therapy today) and wrong footing the keeper for his 21st goal of the year. 6 more and you are Golden Boot for UQSC.

Final score 4-2. Yeah, we let a few in – we’ll just take them off Marty’s goal tally.

Special mention to Chris for his feed bag deluxe post match – by all accounts, it was another culinary masterpiece.

One more season match to go before finals (whenever they may be…). Go Dingoes.

The word according to Easty:

Now with the title in the bag, Peanut could’ve let a few of the big players rest up but instead he gave Jon the break . General Gordo showed true leadership by being late for kick off and with the only key we were racing against the clock to be ready on time. To make matters worse we didn’t even have eleven players for kick off which is hard to believe considering we are at home gentlemen. Tom Witwicky surely must get the extra 5% award for that fantastic blond bombshell he brought over then decided not to play just before kickoff – well done Witwicky.

It was great to have a competent referee for a change.

Let’s be honest here, Beenleigh had NOTHING with only a couple of good saves from TC early on and with no bench we knew Beenleigh would surely run out of steam. MP and Alex had total control of the midfield plus with the pacey wingers of Tannoy and Bogard we had Beenleigh on the back foot early. Bogard got played through beautifully and was unlucky to see his shot come back off the post. Alex and Bogard then missed another opportunity when Easty cut back for them both to fall short of reaching the ball. Tannoy too could have, and well should have, took that spoonful of cement and just run through to Easty to smash the ball home just like how Chris did the week before but bottled out. Seriously Tannoy, Easty is shit so if you don’t shoot he ain’t gonna score. However, then it happened – a lovely freekick from Tristan which the keeper drops and lands perfectly to Easty and…….. OFFMOTHERF^&KINGSIDE! Easty can’t even buy a goal at the moment. He even had a free kick which he blazed over. Chris then took it upon himself and dribbled through to net number 22 for the season.

The second half we looked far more dangerous with young Josh replacing Easty and making an immediate impact with good link up play with Chris using his slick and greasy skills laying off a Ronaldoesk back heel to Tristan who produced a wonderful cross for an unmarked Josh to head home. At least i think it was Tristan? Barney was sure it was Peanut who crossed it (glasses Barney…). Chris then got his second for the night as always making it look so easy being a striker (jammy bastard). MP had a break and with Josh going back into midfield so Peanut too changed and went to keeper with TC moving up front with Easty. This is the part of the game that gets truly interesting, for from all the way back in your goal box the goalkeeper must wonder what runs through a forward’s head to miss such opportunities.
Chance number 1 – TC showed great strength and instead of playing in one of his team mates running through shot from a tight angle for the keeper to save comfortably
Chance number 2 – Josh goes on an awesome mazy run beating everyone including the keeper and cuts it back to TC to blast over from around I’ll say 3 yards
Chance number 3 – Chris runs and cuts it back to Josh who draws in two defenders and plays a lovely through ball only for TC to give a lovely pass back to the keeper
Chance number 4 – was almost a carbon copy of his third chance however the ball got caught up under his feet and he shot wide – it was like there were two Easty’s on the field.

Chin up though TC because you at least you made more chances to score in twenty minutes up front than Jon Boy has in 17 matches. Chris then effortlessly scored his hat trick with Josh chipping the keeper only for it to hit both posts and Chris casually tapped it home. I’m sure for every goal this season you treat yourself to a pie afterward – God knows how you can fit in three but you would find a way.